How should I respond to this instance of beeing deeply offended?

so theirs actualy a lot of stuff wrong


to me anyways





firstly


I live in an uncomfortable situation in which (due to my boyfriends decision to return to school to better himself and my recently being part of a mass layoff my company resorted to to stay afloat) we currently are residing at his parents house





a Very hard decision to make!!





I am not proud of this :(





but I am receiving UE and am assisting with our share of exspenses


and my bf (or boyfriend) does all he can to help us get by





also not proud of the circumstances





But we have had the misfortune of (on top of all of our stress IE him entering a semi paid apprenticeship of sorts and me looking for work) having to deal with an emergency we were not financialy ready to deal with.





our dog (who is his own issue in this household) needed a rather expensive surgery to repair a limb that suffered a degenerative collapse in his knee joint





we were terrified of our inabilities to provide care for our responsibility and our otherwise bleek and tragic options but his generous parents stepped up and handed us the rather large some of money in cash to help us with this hard slap of fate





we never asked they only knew about it because of their questioning





we accepted with the vow that we will pay them back as soon as possible


if we hafto chip away at it for the next two years we will pay them back





now feel a deep sense of regret for excepting their help :(





as they are now treating us as incapable children and as if the dog now belongs to them!





on top of it I walked into a conversation between the parents where one of them was suggesting they would have to be the ones to provide the after care for our pet since we were ';implied'; irresponsible owners





which we are not !


we care for our pet the way any parents might care for a child





now one of the parents tried to start cleaning up his mess first thing in the morning everyday before I get up ';AT6:30';





yes every morning at six the parent rises and runs outside to pick up my dogs **** and then act as if I wasn't going to do it or hadn't been doing this every day only a half hour later





I am really offended by this treatment we don't deserve!!


and short of taking any damn job I can get my hands on and moving us out like it was the poltergeist I would rather resolve this issue with my inevitable in laws





but Im so pissed I could scream





last night the parent was outside at 10:30 picking up my dogs **** in the dark!


WTF?





and when we were down to the last few meals worth of dog food in the bag (two days or so)


they bought this huge bag of gourmet dog food calling it decent food for the poor malnurrished ';OVERWIEGHT on a vet recomended diet'; dog





and this is the clencher





started feeding him!





without saying anything or asking us how much or when!


I repeat WTF





are we not welcome


should we just open a credit line and give them back their stupid money


should I just say screw take a cashier job and get us the hell out of there





also my bf thinks I'm over reacting!





but I believe he would truly not be bothered to eat her supper and have her wash his laundry forever


maby Im being jelouse but I think she would love it to





yes I hafto protect my right to feed and do my boyfriends laundry!





and damn it those are mine HES MINE NOW AND SO IS THE DOG!





what do I do or say without ruining a relationship I would like to keep at least at fake smiling level for the duration our our lives together





HELP





and how do I get him out of his wierd mama boy mentality when she just encurages it with every oportunity asking can I make you a REAL breakfast this morning? like theres anything wrong with a ham,egg and cheese sandwich





or saying things like your learning how to be a good girlfriend


EXCUSE ME


I AM A GOOD GIRLFRIEND NOT THAT IT'S YOUR BUISNESS TO JUDGE OUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOUR IS WAY OUT OF HE RELM OF FUNCTIONAL!!!





and the bf sais were fortunate they are so damn wonderfull





he's not like this when its just us


I thought they were just normal close?





we have no other problembs other than this wierd transformation





BTW this is frikin wierd right?











I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS


I HAAAAAAAAAAATE IT





and


am I possibly just making more out of this than I should be





HELP HELP HELP





IM DESPERATE FOR INPUT ON REAL SOLUTIONS :(How should I respond to this instance of beeing deeply offended?
Sounds to me like you want all the privileges of having a place of your own while still living off of your in-laws' generosity. You can't have it both ways. If you accept their hospitality, and their generous contribution to your dog's veterinary care, you can't complain when they start taking an interest in the dog. Either figure out a way to get your own place, or stop complaining.How should I respond to this instance of beeing deeply offended?
You are overreacting. First off you had terribly financial straits and they let you move in with them. You don't have to. You could move in with someone else. Your own parents for example.





Second you and your boyfriend made a terribly irresponsible choice. You chose to get this dog a very expensive surgery. A dog is not a child. You should not have agreed to pay for this ridiculous surgery. Especially when you couldn't even afford it.





As they have paid for the dogs medical care and have the dog living in their house, a very valid point could be made that it basically is their dog. You can't afford it. You can't house it.





I understand that it is annoying that they are acting like they own your dog. However if you were cleaning up after your dog, this wouldn't be an issue. It's very nice of them to just clean up after you without saying anything. Since it clearly bothers you (and the owners of the house), clean up after your dog. When you take him outside, have a bag and scoop it immediately--just like you would do on a beach or public park. Don't be upset that you had to do it in the dark. They have flashlights.





So let's see if I get all your complaints right--someone let's you live in a house, rent free, does your laundry, cooks for you, pays your dogs vet bills, buys him food, cleans up after him. You are right--you should be furious.





By the way, this boyfriend isn't ';yours';. He is an adult. He should do his own laundry. Futhermore you are a girlfriend. Not a permanent position. She is his mother--a permanent position. So rather than scream how he is YOURS, realize that in fact you are 100% wrong. He is her son. He is merely dating you. So in actuality, it is completely her business to judge your relationship. The relationship that is with her son and taking place in her house is 100% her business.





As long as you live in her house you need to follow her rules. A good suggestion would be for you to get a job so you can move out. Then you both can be adults--paying rent, doing your own laundry, cooking your own meals, and won't have to worry about anyone being so horribly intrusive into your life as to pay for everything for you. Since you hate living like this, there is only one solution and I think you know what it is.
It sounds like your and your boyfriend are stuck in a stage halfway between adolescence and full adulthood. It will take some work and planning to progress to an independent life together.





First of all, realize that it was really decent of his parents to welcome you into their household. You can imagine how few parents would do so. Most would be secretly relieved if ';circumstances'; broke the two of you up.





Next, the issue with your dog. They stepped up to the plate with a generous loan. Now there are two things to worry about -- repaying the money, and caring for the dog.





Do you think it would be better to save up the money and then repay it in one lump sum, or repay it in installments as you go along? Personally I'd advise you to repay it in installments. That will underline your goal of becoming a self-sufficent couple. Get a little notebook to record each repayment, and have a parent initial the line as a receipt. Try very hard not to fall behind.





The dog's care falls under the general heading of ';Who's in charge here?'; which is a big theme of your complaint. Apparently his parents are organized people who like to get things done and out of the way as soon as possible. Adapt to their schedule. If you care for and clean up after your dog at an agreed-upon time, they'll relax about that. Same with buying the dog food -- evidently they have a different idea of when it's time to obtain a new supply. If they come to see that you're caring for the dog just as well as they would, it won't be such a source of conflict.





The truly major issue, to my mind, seems to be the lack of independence you have as a couple. He's still a student, living at home, and you're still looking for a decent job, also living at home. His mom, wanting to help, is keeping her son comfortable by providing the same ';mom'; services she has all his life. You fear that he'll kick back and never get going with starting a normal life.





There's no sense acting as if the two of you are further along the route to maturity than you actually are. The better plan would be to outline a timetable for both of you to get real jobs, and plan for your marriage. I don't think his parents would be best pleased if your plan included moving out and just living together indefinitely. It's true that many young people do just that, but it sure wouldn't make you look like real adults.





His parents are trying their best to help you through this awkward period between partial dependence and full self-sufficiency. Try to arrange your routines so that your boyfriend sees a real incentive for getting on with life. Try to use your time with an experienced older lady to learn a lot of the household skills you'd otherwise have to figure out the hard way. If his parents' support and encouragement results in an earlier and more solid marriage for you two, it will all have been worth it.